Gotham Times
by missterio
Summary: Poems based off of the TV series, THE BATMAN. Mostly about the heroes and villains themselves. New poem up: Evilness is Bliss.
1. The REAL Batman

**Author's Note: **I've been wanting to do Batman based poems for the longest time, and here they are: Batman poems based off the TV series and some songs I've heard. I hope you people like them. Enjoy!

Please let me know how you think of these poems. I guess in other words: please read and review.

_Note: This poem is in-tune/based off the song 'The Real Slim Shady' by **Eminem**._

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**The REAL Batman**

Attention! May I have your attention please?

Will the real Batman please stand up?

I repeat: will the real Batman please stand up?

Ugh...we're gonna have a problem here.

**--**

You all act like you never seen a batfreak before

with a cape all over the floor

bursting through the door

and putting Freeze's ass back in the asylum, like before.

I've been working out -- it's true, I'm not kidding.

I do most of the work, but I also have Robin do my bidding.

Joker says, 'Yeah right'.

Joker says -- wait, he's out of Arkham again? AAAAARRGGHHHH, damn it!

**--**

You hear people say that one man fighting is just crazy,

but you know what? Those cops are just lazy.

Why can't they do the fighting once in awhile?

I punch like this, I kick like that.

And there's a reason why I never get fat,

like that ol' Penguin, he's such a sap.

Probably the reason his plans are all crap.

Those bad guys think they're such an ace,

but by the time they try to kick my face,

I'll be out of their place.

Leaving them to the police; so they can have their space.

**--**

Now, I know you all have seen men that try to look like me,

dress like me,

act like me,

talk like me,

and even be a buff piece like me.

They may even try to be the next best thing,

but they're still quite not like me!

**--**

I'm the real Batman -- yes, the real Batman

and all you other Batmans aren't as strong as I am.

So won't the real Batman please stand up,

please stand up, please stand up?

So, I'm the real Batman -- again, the real Batman

and all you other Batmans aren't as buff as I am.

So won't the real Batman please stand up --what?

Can't stand up?

_Won't_ stand up?


	2. J O K E R

_Note: This poem is in-tune/based off the song 'Yoda' by **Weird Al Yankovic**._

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**J.O.K.E.R.**

I met him in an asylum across Gotham City

where I saw some nasty thugs playing poker

p-o-k-e -- poker.

I saw an evil clown crouching there on a ledge

I asked him his name, and laughing, he said Joker

J-o-k-e -- Joker. Jo-jo-jo-jo Joker.

--

Well, I've been around, and I ain't ever seen

a man whose face is white and hair so wild and green

Oh, that Joker. Jo-jo-jo-jo Joker.

I'm not stupid, but I can't understand

how he can fight me, even with just one hand

Wow, that Joker. Jo-jo-jo-jo Joker.

--

Well, I don cape and cowl every night

and I don't know how that clown puts up a fight

but Alfred, he set me straight, of course.

He said, "Master Bruce, you have to use some force."

Well, I didn't feel like arguing then

so it looks like I gotta start that fight all over again

With that Joker. Jo-jo-jo-jo Joker.

Jo-jo-jo-jo Joker.

--

So, I used some force

he fists me in the gut

I still kicked his butt

I never lost my head

and I'll never forget what Alfred said.

He said, "Master Bruce, please stay away from Joker's side

and if you ever get lost, let the batwave be your guide"

Man, that Joker. Jo-jo-jo-jo Joker.

--

"Hey Batsy, I know I really got you cheesed

but you can't kill me, 'cause this cartoon's rated _G_"

Says the Joker. Jo-jo-jo-jo Joker.

--

Well, I just heard that Batgirl's in distress

so I'm gonna hop in the batmobile and get her out of the mess

but I know I'll be seeing that Joker again any day

and I'll be fighting him until I'm old and gray!

--

Unfortunately, the long term contract I just signed

says I'll be fighting these bad guys all the time

Including that Joker. Jo-jo-jo-jo Joker.

Jo-jo-jo-jo Joker.


	3. Mr Ice

**Author's Note: **Yes, I know this poem is extremely short, but adding more would make the poem a whole lot longer. Besides that, I think it sounds fine the way it is. Don't worry, poems in the future won't be this short, I promise. If you want to flame me for it being short, then go ahead. I won't get mad, sad, or any other emotion similar.

_Note: This poem is in-tune/based off the song 'Ice Ice Baby' by **Vanilla Ice**_.

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Mr. Ice

Ah...a party, well, introducing

Mr. Freeze, baby

I'm...

Mr. Freeze, baby.

Everyone stop!

You better stay still and listen!

Mr. Freeze is back with a brand new invention.

I've been working on this day and night.

Something I'll use on the cops in my next fight.

Will I ever be stopped?

No... I don't think so!

I love all this ice and snow!

Then I see _him_ standing in my way

Cape flowing in the wind, I hear Batman say,

"Freeze!"

I use my gun, ice and all,

Batman's already scaling the wall.

Cool! He's such a stubborn mule

I think I can almost see that Bat drool.

Run, run...as fast as you can

You better not stop, you better keep on the move.

My ice is gonna keep you in your boots

I'm so tired of you ruining my groove.

You gotta problem, well too bad.

Get in my way, and I'll just get mad.

Because I'm...

Mr. Freeze, baby

Mr. Freeze, baby

Mr. Freeze, baby

you got that? Because I'm...

Mr. Freeze, baby


	4. Evilness is Bliss

_Note: this poem is in-tune/based off the song 'Ignorance is Bliss' by the **Jellyfish**._

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Evilness is Bliss **

Wake up!

My pretties, it is I, your one and only boss: Ozzy Cobblepot.

I also go by Penguin, can't you see?

I wear black, and I'm pretty mean,

but at least my name is better than Sir Mix-A-Lot!

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_Oh Batman...are you yet frightened?..._

_If you knew just why you're here, your anger will be heightened..._

So let's just say: Evilness is bliss!

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Oh, while I have to go with this plan,

I want you to go and catch that one man, you know the Batman?

Oh, what's his other name?

Ah yes -- the _Dark Knight_, just the sound makes me want to go and fight,

because I would love to take this umbrella, and play my own game...

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_Oh Batman...we hate your sidekicks..._

_We've never been fond of them, but then again, they'll make good bait--_

Oh, I can't wait!

Because... EVILNESS IS BLISS!

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With my umbrella, I'll go and fly,

to steal jewels, and hear the people cry,

until I become wealthier than that Mr. Wayne.

The only problem with my crimes,

is that I don't ever have enough time,

so there goes my money; it's so not funny, and that Bruce is such a pain!

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_Oh Batman...you think you're so clever..._

_All your words are alphabet soup, a picture tells it better..._

I'll say it once more: Evilness is Bliss.

Batman, haven't you heard? A picture's worth a thousand words.

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You call yourself a hero, but to us villains, you're a zero.

I can't believe you come whenever someone's in distress.

You remind me of a police guy that tried to stop me before,

he fought so hard, that he got sore

--I mean _sore_ -- yes, so sore! All over his body -- he's a mess!

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_**O, I would love to take my hands...**_

_**Just one time around Batman's neck...**_

_**It'll surely be the last time he mess with me!**_

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_Oh Batman...are you yet frightened?... _(we so hate your sidekicks)

_If you knew just why you're here, your anger will be heightened..._

_Oh Batman...you think you're so clever... _(and you were never)

_All your words are alphabet soup, a picture tells it better..._

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Oh, for the last time, Batman...

Um...

Then again, I think I've made my point...


End file.
